Saturday, January 08, 2011

2011 - Resolutions, anyone?

Resolutions are just not my scene. I am brutally reminded of this every time I undergo the Happy New Year rigmarole, and see strong-willed people around me making a list - not one, not two - a whole list of resolutions!
In the true spirit of a procrastinator, I, when faced with the inevitability of such strong actions, make a wishful thinking instead, and then pray endlessly that it becomes true. So, as we move in to this new year 2011, here is a small wishlist of mine:

  1. I wish a face-to-face televised debate to be held between the maoists / naxalites and the government so that we could finally decide who are the real villains. As of now, we oscillate from being fashionably-forward types thinking in favor of the down-trodden to being politically correct and supporting the salwa-judum etc.  
  2. I wish each street of our nation could be accorded autonomy and granted a status of a federal democratic republic, which would finally put to rest the unrest over ever-increasing "regional aspirations", simply because there would be nothing more left to break free of.  
  3. I wish we could formally institutionalize the corruption in every sphere of our lives and governance. The parliament could discuss and draw up a detailed rate-list for all jobs to be done. This would make things more transparent and efficient and whats more - when India hosts the Olympics, we could concentrate on the sport without wasting our collective time on trivial moral issues.
  4. I wish the traffic police starts handing out "road-rage metres" along with the driving licenses. This would constitute a traffic-light contraption to be worn on the head by the driver, with the color indicating the person's temperature. You could at least avoid arguing with a person with a flashing red light on his head.  
  5. I wish the perpetrators of  "honor-killings' on innocent youngsters finally grow eyes in front of their faces and look forward for a change. 
  6. I wish the T20s to be progressively reduced to T10 and then possibly to T-1/6 to ensure a steady   excitement dose for cricket-crazy public and a steadier endorsement income for the cricketers. In foreseeable future, the cheerleaders could replace the players.   
  7. I wish Google search could be somehow activated in real-life (remember those sci-fi novels). Lost keys, misplaced papers etc. have started becoming a problem in advanced age.
  8. In the same manner, I wish there could be a system of affixing "Like" buttons on living people. Making friends and enemies would be so much easier, and would remove so much of duplicity from the world. 
  9. I wish a directive to be brought out to consign all the present and future infamous reality shows  to a single TV channel, which would make it awfully easy for us to avoid them like they do for tele-shopping networks. As they say, गलती से भी गलती ना हो.
  10. In a similar manner, I sincerely wish there is a separate radio FM channel for the ever-increasing property / real estate / builder ads. I know housing is a good economic indicator but I simply can not bear to hear anymore of those irritatingly well-modulated voices exhorting me to drool at some "dream-property" at some undreamed-of locations.           
  11. I wish the TV news-channels could take out some time to show only tickers on their screens - maybe a warp and waft design or some other, so that in the remaining time they do not torment us with multiple news tickers at the bottom of the screen which are completely undecipherable. 
  12. I wish each honored member of the Gen-Y (or is it Z now?) is made to attend a compulsory coaching on "How to speak Hindi in Hindi".   
  13. I wish being 'sexy' includes being fat and bald - in this year and ahead. 
Do let me know if you can add to this list.

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